Now We Wait For The EPL

The EPL kicks off a new season on Aug 19th and I can't wait.
If you've followed the World cup as I did, you may be dissapointed, as I was with the officiating. If you're living in some fantasy land where the streets are paved with loli-pops and the skies are blue with big fluffy cotton-candy clouds and you thought there was nothing wrong with the refs in this go round of the biggest tourney in the world, then, well then you suck as bad as these referees. Sweet Jesus I haven't seen this much of the color yellow since Lance Armstrongs run in last years Tour. I mean are these guys watching the same games we are? Fuck me.
Not only did the ref's fuck the US in their game against Italy, but they handed Ghana the match on that fateful Thrursday. Apparently you were not allowed, in the 2006 World Cup to challenge your opponent for the ball. You should let the ball fall gently to the ground and civily discuss who should take it. Fuck me again.
It is not a rumor but solid truth that the President, King, Supreme Ruler, Great Big Head or whatever the leader of Ghana is called, has declared the 22 of June to be Markus Merk day in Ghana and the next four hundred babies born in Ghana, be it boy or girl must be named after the ref. Not only that; whenever the ref comes into town, he will be given the suite at the town's Hilton and a fistful of coupons good for free blowjobs from the local whore house. For life. Motherfucker. Hey, the USA team wasn't exactly tearing it up this time around but the PK awarded in extra-time of the first half was the final nail in the US's coffin.
We all know that Italy disposed of Francein the shoot-out and what's up with Zidane and that massive headbutt?...Yikes! And then we have Wayne Rooney stomping on some guys crotch in the Portugal match. What the fuck dude? Yeah you're pumped, your countries pride is on the line but man, you stomped his prick. Sure, he'll save a ton of loot on hookers until the swelling goes down but man, i'm not sure tht will exactly be a great comfort.

How Cool Are My Neighbors??

I should have written this up tow weeks ago when it happened but one thing and one thing alone stopped me. Laziness.
One morning, sometime ago, (which to an Irishman can mean anywhere from five minutes to several years) I awoke to the sounds of Faithful Dog scampering in the kitchen with the missus and Big Head, our cat, whining for his breakfast. It seemed to be a bit hot in our bedroom. I thought nothing of it as we have been hazy, hot and humid here for the last week or so. I am fully awakend by the wife calling me to the kitchen. I stumble downstairs like a zombie and hear an odd buzzing. Electrical. The motor to our a/c unit is humming away but there is no cool air. No air is moving. Fuck. "I think the motor is toast," says my pretty little wife. My brain is not in working mode yet. It usually takes me an hour and two cups of good, strong Irish tea. I tilt my head to the HVAC unit. The motor whirrs and whirrs...no air comes out of the vents at all. "Piss," say I. "Maybe we froze over. Let it warm up outside and maybe it will thaw," I offer. Well the wife waits five minutes and tries again. Nothing. She goes to our bay window that faces the street to look for Kenny or Shirley. They are our neighbors up the road. Kenny does HVAC and plumbing work. She spots Shirley walking their monster doggie Rascal and walks out to her. I am on my way to work so I have to wait for news.
I'm at work firing up my printer when my cell rings. "Are you ready for this?" says my better half. "No." And I'm not being a prick, I'm really not ready. We just replaced our water heater in April and just, just fucking paid it off. Matter o' fact, were just talking over tea two mornings ago about how next week we will be ahead. Finally. I await the word. Dr. Kenny has examined the patient and confirmed our fears. The motor is dead. But, there is good news. Jeff around the bend owns a business and he designs cooling systems for commercial businesses. His brother owns a supply store. He tells my wife he'll get back to her. Well the brother has a motor, and he overnights it to Jeff! So that night we slept without our a/c. It wasn't bad. We had some nasty thunder-boomers roll through and the torrential rains that came with it accomplished two things. A: it wiped out most of the humidity and drooped the temp about ten degrees and B: the sound of the rain lulled me to sleep.
So that night, Kenny comes home from working all day, stops into his house for a quick Dorito fix and then comes to our house and installs our new motor! He even refuses payment for his labor! He only charges us 20 bucks for the freon charge he put in. (Yeah we needed freon too) How cool (sorry) is that??
So two big thank-yous to our wonderful neighbors Kenny and Jeff. Thank you guys. We really appreciate this

Yes, it is hot enough for me.

Okay, someone's got to get hold of that Mother Nature bitch and tell her to knock her shit off. Enough already. Today the temperature in New Jersey reached a brutal 137 degrees. Yes. well...okay..it was only 100 but still, what the Hell's the difference at these temps?
Lately in Joisey we have had the following three weather patterns. Monsoon rains for days on end. Extreme, sack searing heat and brain melting humidity, and sack searing heat accompanied by rain and brain melting humidity.
The heat will continue and be worse tomorrow. 108 with the 'heat index'. For those of you fortunate enough to not experience a 'heat-index', here's what that is. The heat index is apparently what the temperature will 'feel' like if you roll 11,070% humidity into your 101 degree temperatures. The air is like a curtain. You can actually feel it parting across your face like a damp, smelly mop when you walk outside. It is killing us. The Lovely One doesn't really care for the heat, her bad ticker and all...and me fuck me it is killing me. I'm constantly tired and all I want to do is sleep. Plus, my section of the building is NOT air-conditioned. Not to mention I work on a hi-speed printer and the dryer is basically an open sided oven that reaches over 150 degrees on it's own. In the winter it's super, but now...crap on toast...
I cannot wait for Fall.

Happy Birthday to Gang

Today is the 94th birthday of the lovely lady you see pictured here. This is Gang, the Lovely One's grandmother. Doesn't she look great? I hope I look this good when I'm 65 never mind 94.
My grandparents have long since passed away but when I married the Lovely One, Gang 'adopted' me as one of her grandkids. She is thoughful and kind and has awonderful personality.
She also, incredibly still drives, cooks and works in her garden every day! Amazing right?
She is in town and we have been spending some time with her. I wish you could all meet her. She is incredible.
Happy Birthday Gang. We love you.

Raining again..big fucking surprise eh?
Work is going okay. we're in our 'lull'. The second two weeks of each month we sit around half-asleep picking bugs off of each others backs and pray for a tornado to rip the roof off so we can get some fresh air in that place.
Tomorrow I go to visit Dr. D, my wife's cardiologist. Well, not her's exclusively, she shares him with other folks, but not of her choice. If it were up to the Lovely One he'd be here in our guestroom on call full time. He is a really nice guy and on more than one occasion I've heard other docs call him brilliant. So I've been having this thing going on, usually after sex, but sometimes at work. My heart races like crazy, I get sweaty and a little dizzy sometimes. Yes, I know that's what supposed to happen after sex but not like this. And what about when it happens at work? So I received a twenty-seven page questionnaire from the CardioMan to fill out prior to my visit and I anticipate seeing him. My mother has a bad ticker and wears a pacemaker so maybe it's a genteic thing or maybe not. I'm sure it's nothing major....okay, I'm hoping it's nothing major. We'll see.
How 'bout those Italians?? the World Cup is over for another 4 years and of course there had to be controversy right until the end. if you missed it, the great French soccer hero Zidane rammed his big, bald head into the chest of Italian player Masserati after and insult from the Italian. This guy, the Italian has been suspended a few times in Italy's tough Serie-A division and even at International level. I thought only hockey had goons?
Well, you have to know that if you insult Zidane (who has kind of a rep for being a bad boy himself), who grew up on the tough streets of Marseille, you will be on the receiving end of something. I just wish it was agoal in the extra-time to sink the Italians rather than a head-butt that got him sent off with a redcard in his final pro football experience.
the Italian, according to one of many 'expert lip-readers' who were handily at the match Sunday, said to Zidane "I wish an ugly death for you and your family Go fuck yourself." Geeeeez maybe a head-butt wasn't so awful after all...

Happy Birthday to The Lovely One

Happy Birthday today to me lovely wife. I've picked upa cake from Mendokers in Jamesburg and we may go to dinner.
My family though, continues to piss on my parade, and they're 300 miles away. They never called or sent a card or made any effort to remember my wife's birthday. It would be bad on it's own, but my wife is the most caring and thoughtful person I know. She always remembers people's birthdays and recognizes them. Especially people in my family. She is thinking about what she's getting people for Christmas in July for fuck's sake. She goes above and beyond for everyone she knows and this often happens.