Glad I'm a Man in My Family

Okay Lucy, let me 'splain. Nothing sexist here. Just read on. About two weeks ago my youngest sister Hazel was hit by a car. Yes. Hit.By.A.Car. She's okay. I think. The worse part of all is not one memebr of my family called us to tell us this. I think Herself was talking to my mom and the conversation was like this. I can only guess becasue I only heard the Lovely One's end of it. I'll do my best.

Herself : So how's the weather there? (My Family is in New England)
Mother O'Malley : oh it'll be the death of me for sure..I have arthur-itis and my bones..oh sweet Jaysus me bones..I think it has rained for thirty-seven days straight. I've lost count....
Herself: Well it's been beautiful here...sorry you haven't...
Mother O'Malley: Sure go on and gloat...
Herself: Work is going okay?
Mother O'Malley : Ahhh they're going to kill me. Workin' my fingers right off my hands. Mind you I have artur-itis..And to top it all off, none of me sisters will have lunch with me....the ungrateful, no good...I've got ot eat all alone. Or I eat with that weird aul fellar Frank. You know, the one who has the wooden eye..
Swiftly changing the subject is Herself : So how are the kids?
Mother O'Malley: Well Bernice is doing fine considering the man she's married to and those chidren of her's ahhh the poor poor chidren..tsk tsk...Sean is just a pleasure..wonderful boy..bowling four nights a week and still he finds time to have tea with me on Wednsday morning..such a wee cherub he is..
Herself:How about Hazel and Banshee (my little neice) Banshee is grand...going to make her First Communion this year, praise Jaysus..oh and Hazel was hit by a car...
Herself: WHAT???!!!!
Mother O'Malley: Oh sure enough. Did't you know that?
Herself: How would we ever know that??
Mother O'Malley: Well, I 'spose you wont. If that son of mine called me once a month 'twould be a small miracle.
Herself: How is Hazel??
Mother O'Malley: Ahh she's fine. A bit of a bruise on her arse but thank the Lord the car that hit her was made of Nerf. Rolled right up onto the hood and then off. The girl driving never stopped. (thus the being hit by said vehicle)
Herself: Did she go to the hospital??
Mother O'Malley: Yes the rescue took her. Scared us to death. Xrays are okay. She's expected to recover fully in a year or so..She'll be laid up I'm afraid the poor wee thing. Might get a fine settlement. Maybe get us a new automobile..or maybe a trip to...ahh anywhere but here..this weather is killing me love...

And just two days ago my oldest sister was run over by a car. Her own. And of course noone called to tell us. Nice huh? I told Herself that I'm hoping a piano or safe doesn't fall out of the sky onto my brother. Keeping my fingers crossed.